Heartbreak – My relationship with a boy lasted approximately 6 years or so. Both families were aware and agreed that the future would be legally binding after we had completed our education.
In the final two years, the boy began to molest me emotionally and mentally and ended up leaving me for a different girl (which I was told after he realized that, despite his abuse, I didn’t abandon me), and his family also left.
He left me entirely in June 2018, and the next time for once and for good in January 2019.
It’s straightforward when I’ve said it, but the betrayal, the abuse, and the mistreatment have left me with marks profoundly, many of which I do not talk about.
I spent the whole year focusing and rebuilding myself over and over. I kept asking Allah to guide and assist me through the process.
I have made a lot of progress, and I’m now wiser than before.
After praying for Allah to bring peace into my life, I prayed for peace daily. All duas, all tahajjuds, along with istikhara prayers.. Recently, I received an unexpected offer from one of my sister’s coworkers.
I am impressed with this man, and I can declare that I have begun admiring him since he’s extremely friendly, focused on Allah, has a closer relationship with Him, and is in the company of friendly people. And also studies the Holy Quran with understanding.
This is the most important reason (Heartbreak) I am in love with him. I love him because of Allah… He has spoken with my father, and things are moving forward, Alhamdulillah.
It’s a shame that I thought I had recovered completely, but when I have to deal with this new plan, I am so afraid many times when there’s nothing to worry about.
I’m unsure what to do with those worries here, but I’m scared to death, and that’s all I have to say. Some so many fears and thoughts make me feel anxious.
I will always do Dhikr to relax. I also pray Nawafil and other prayers; however, at times, I am trying to figure out how to handle it (Heartbreak).
I’m plagued with anxieties and worries about not being appreciated or being appreciated or appreciated, of being repeatedly cheated upon. And I realize that, despite having such confidence, I still have anxiety about whether or not I’m adequate.
I’m so afraid to lose the new joy that I have discovered (Heartbreak).
I’m not sure how to deal with the scars and wounds I feel are deep in my heart, even though I do not think about my previous incident anymore. However, those scars and wounds caused by it remain within me despite my not recollecting anything about the past.
I’ve come to terms with my past, but not from the abuse and betrayal that occurred.
What can I do to come from that experience to ensure I don’t consider the new love and expectations I’ve found?
ANSWER
Heartbreak – Sister, it’s expected to be worried about getting hurt again following an emotional loss. However, it gets better over time and becomes more comfortable in the hope of Allah.
Please take comfort that it was your choice to take the time to heal and rebuild.
Be honest and respectful with your prospective husband.
Utilize self-talk to calm yourself back to a level when you are anxious or uneasy.
Make use of the mirror to give pep talks in the early morning.
Continue to pray, make dua, and pray at Istikhara.
Think about a counselor or mediator. If things don’t get simpler
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Assalamu alaikum,
We appreciate you writing to us and letting us know your worries.
I believe you have had a breakup in the past with an intended marriage that ended with physical abuse, another woman, and a general feeling of being betrayed and mistreated by an individual who was your first relationship and first love.
Before we get into the details for you, I’d like to point out one thing you mentioned that you think is fantastic and healthy.
“I took the entire year focusing on rebuilding myself all over again, I kept praying to Allah,” and “I have recovered a lot, and now I am wiser than before.” Alhamdulilah, Sister, This is among the most inspiring things I’ve ever had the chance to learn from you.
Unfortunately, rushing into a new relationship without healing is a common occurrence ultimately detrimental to us.
You’re likely ready to take the next step and are in a positive mental state to achieve this.
You view the man you are talking about as friendly and holy in the company of nice people, and you develop feelings towards him. Mashallah, it sounds fantastic and sounds promising.
I am also aware that you may be afraid of getting hurt again or have noticed doubts about your self-esteem and generally don’t wish for your new partner to be obligated to bear the costs of the first one.
Communication
You and your future husband must speak respectfully and honestly.
You should speak with him about events that occurred in your past and the way they affected you.
Tell him that it helped you become more savvy in your relationships, and inshallah, you’ll be a more loving wife than you would be without this wisdom. However, it also leaves emotional hurts.
Tell yourself in a clear way that you’ve made a recovery; however, as marriage involves being vulnerable, it has been a source of anxiety.
If you start your marriage in honesty and transparency, inshallah, it will help to keep this going as you grow.
This will help build greater trust between you and set the tone for understanding each other.
It is expected to be concerned about being injured again after an emotional heartbreak; however, it will pass over time and become more comfortable in the hope of Allah.
Talk Yourself Down
Heartbreak – In those stressful moments, you are worried or think of these uneasy thoughts.
I would like you to try and practice self-talk. For instance, if you’re contemplating getting wounded again, consider asking yourself, “Has this man ever shown red flags that he will hurt me?” and then really consider the possibility of being hurt again.
If he has not demonstrated anything in his personality or behavior that could lead you to believe he might harm you, think of it as an unreasonable fear. Think about the positive aspects of his character that will assist you in feeling more secure, inshallah.
For example, you might say that you are a good man working on relationships with Allah (swt).
This can indicate to you that he’ll be nice and try to bring you joy and not harm or abandon you, as the first man did.
If you’re worried about not being enough, give yourself three things about yourself that you think are gorgeous.
For instance, maybe you are passionate about your hair color or how you say certain surahs from the Quran and the way you care for your loved ones. It could be anything: physical, intellectual, etc.
Mirror
Another self-esteem exercise is to use your mirror.
Every day, when you look at your reflection and see yourself, you should affirm to yourself, “I deserve to be loved,” and gaze into your eyes as you repeat it. Remind you “I am worth it”.
Worship
Prayer and Dhikr were mentioned. This is an excellent option to aid yourself in your journey. Keep your thoughts focused on Allah (swt) to offer you guidance throughout your journey.
I would like to encourage you to continue doing this and pray for Istikhara in connection with this marriage.
When you are in a difficult situation, remember that you can use Dhikr and Duaa virtually anywhere.
If you require assistance understanding istikhara, go to this page.
Unbiased Mediation
If you’re experiencing more and more difficulties with anxiety and trust and finding it becoming increasingly difficult to manage, you might consider seeking out professional counseling or an impartial mediator.
It might be an experienced marriage counselor, an experienced family member, or a friend. Someone who can help you get ideas from them on how you’re experiencing, whether it’s all about your husband or maybe your ex-partner, and in all likelihood, they will help you heal the emotional wounds.
Final Thoughts
Here’s a brief outline (Heartbreak) of your next steps as you move forward.
Take comfort in the fact that you took the time to heal and build
Be honest and respectful with your husband
Use self-talk to calm yourself back to your senses when you are anxious or uneasy.
Make use of the mirror to conduct early morning pep talks. Keep praying, make duaa, and pray for istikhara
Think about a counselor or mediator in the event that things don’t become simpler.
I know this is an unnerving situation to get into, and no one would like to be injured again.
Inshallah, this wedding will be joyful and loving. You will be closer to each other in your connection with Allah (swt).
Let Allah (swt) be able to heal your heart and bring you to a happy union, Ameen.
Categories: PRAYER (Salat), ALMS (Zakat), SAWN (Fasting) HAJJ (Pilgrimage) & DUA (Supplications), Hadith and Tafseer, The Holy Quran, Quran Jaz 1- 114
Topics: Ushr and Zakat, Hijab, Arabic Corner, Faith, Islamic History, Biography, Sirat ul Nabi PBUH, Islamic Studies, Halal & Haram
